Thursday, October 06, 2005

patient did not wish to divulge any information




The night that she told me
She looked so upset
Maybe it was pain from thirteen years before
Or maybe it was just regret

Or maybe it was just that she thought
I would not understand
But I already knew
My unknown father was a single man

Although I should have tried
I could not bring myself to hold her
All I could do was say these words
To try and console her

“Mom, it doesn’t really bother me
so wipe the tears from your eyes
there’s no need for you to cry
because it doesn’t really bother me”

The night that I told you
I hardly even knew ya
I bet you didn’t know what the hell
Was happenin to ya

But I was sick of answering questions
With stories that were untrue
And baby that night I felt
That I could tell anything to you

And looking at your face I could see
The questions that were on your mind
Like “Does he feel angry? Does he feel sad?”
Well if you look real hard I think you’ll always find

It doesn’t really bother me
So take that fear from your eyes
I'm just sick of all these lies
And it doesn’t really bother me

The night it got through to me
I was alone I could have sworn
I was looking at a piece of paper
That proved that I’d been born

And hard as I tried I couldn’t stop
Questions forming in my head
Like “Does he look like me? Is he as scared?
Will I ever see him or is he dead?”

And if I was so damn sure
That we’re all made the same
Then why did I react the way that I did
When I saw what was written under “father’s name”?

And if it doesn’t really bother me
Then why were there tears in my eyes
Why did I break down and cry
If it doesn’t really bother me

I felt so ashamed
As if the whole world had me to blame
So many friends had seen their daddies die
How could I ever feel justified?

But if it doesn’t really bother me
Then why were there tears in my eyes
Why did I break down and cry
If it doesn’t really bother me?

© JL Pagano 1992


[This song is more than a bit depressing I know, but there was eventually a happy ending – you will see in tomorrow’s post.]



click here for a full index of my poetry and song lyrics

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