Monday, January 31, 2005

sunni side down

Here's an analogy which I feel best describes the Iraqi elections.

If Iraq is an ailing patient and Saddam Hussein's regime a cancerous tumour, then George W Bush and Tony Blair are First Year Med Students trying to remove it unsupervised. The US & UK armies are represented by a rusty scalpel and finally, democracy is the damp bandaid used to cover up the incision. Enough said.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

inauguration limerick

George Walker Bush has won twice,
With his mates Rumsfeld Cheney and Rice,
And the world should rejoice,
In America's choice,
Since they claim to use God for advice!!!!

I sincerely hope the irony is not lost!!!!

the curse of the verse

For some reason while listening to Sean Moncrieff's show yesterday on Newstalk106 I was overcome by the urge to write Limericks about the items he was covering and sending them in. Heres is what I sent, and they were all read out.

(1) Henry McKean

The day before they sent their reporter Henry McKean to Bull island to make a mockery of the new 5km/hr speed limit on the bridge there by travelling at 6km/hr on his moped.

There was a young man called McKean
Who travelled at speeds most obscene
On his souped up push bike
Whilst holding a mic
Please contact the gards if he's seen!

(2) Sperm bank

Curiously a listener texted in and asked Sean if he knew any good sperm banks!

A man chose to find a sperm bank
And hoped hed have Sean to thank
Said Moncrieff "I'm aware
Of one in Adare"
But thats a long way to go for a ....donation!!!!

(3) Peace Process Row

RTE's current affairs show Questions and Answers had a barney this week between Minister for Justice Michael MacDowell and Sinn Fein negotiator Mitchell Mcloughlin.

McDowell went on Q & A
So the public could all hear him say
To yer man from Sinn Fein
"Your criminally insane!
And I can't wait to lock you away!"

(4) Closing Time

The Dail (Irish parliament) is considering a move to 24-hour pub opening.

There was a TD who proposed
That pubs should no longer be closed
The debate it was fast
For the Dail at last
Had a motion which noone opposed!

(5) Conclusion

I was eager to end my lyrical diarrohea so I finished with this

A man was struck down with a curse
Everything had to end up in verse
So he did one last poem
And left to go home
Before things could get any worse!

Friday, January 14, 2005

royal little britain sketch

[Prince William and Prince Harry go into a costume shop (called “Costumes And That”) disguised as Lou and Andy (bloke in wheelchair with his carer) from BBC’s TV show Little Britain.]

Tom Baker’s Voice: Fancy dress parties were invented by Alice Faversham and her dog Benji in Basingstoke in 1994. I went to a fancy dress party once, I went as Doctor Who! Sadly no-one could work out who I was……

William: Right, Harry, here we are at the costume shop like we said! You want to pick out a nice costume for your fancy dress party tomorrow?

Harry: Yeah!

William: Alright then, which one do you want then?

Harry: I want THAT one! [points]

William: Are you sure Harry?

Harry: Yeah!

William: Are you quite sure Harry, cos that’s a Nazi uniform innit?

Harry: Yeah I know!

William: Well you know the way our Nan is the Queen and all that? If you get seen wearing a Nazi uniform it could cause a right kafuffle!!! Why don’t you get the bunny rabbit costume over there? You like bunny rabbits!

Harry: I want THAT one! [points again]

William: Nah, I don’t think you want that one, Harry; besides you know what you always said about the Nazis, you said their shameful oppression of the Jewish people was a painful legacy for all mankind!

Harry: Yeah I know!

William: So we’ll get the rabbit costume then?

Harry: THAT one!!!

William: [sigh] oh, alright then…..

[cut to 2 days later, they are both back at home; William is reading copy of The Sun newspaper [see pic]. Harry is beside him wearing the costume.]

Harry: Ya shoulda got the rabbit one!

[finish with William throwing his eyes to heaven]

© JL Pagano 2005

Monday, January 10, 2005

joke of the day

Why should Captain Bird's Eye be brought in to get Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams talking? Because he likes his peas processed!!!